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My Favorite Mistakes (in no particular order)

To this day, every time I see gefilte fish on the end cap at the grocery store, the last thing I think of is Passover, or Ramadan, or the holiday that would celebrate the return of Jesus (would the man...

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Hello Domestication, you bitch. (Bye Barbie Dream house complete with working...

I grew up thinking my future would consist of a pink mansion, matching pink convertible car, a 12 inch waist (ChaChaCha!), and my very own Ken by my side (only with a bigger package and underwear that...

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Oh God, how do I grow a penis?!

Do you ever have those nights where you suddenly have this incredible revelation that you are, in that moment, the epitome of that women you love to make fun of?  Tonight I feel as if I have just taken...

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My Life > a diamond encrusted golden bag of riches covered in milk chocolate...

Pantagruelism (Pan`tag´ru`el`ism)-adj:  The habit of dealing with serious matters in a spirit of good and sometimes cynical good humor.Someone reminded me today that not only is it January but it is...

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I was gone and yup, you were forgotten.

So I might have just disapeared for a maternity leave length hiatus (No, I'm not pregnant so do not go call a doula).  I spent the past month preoccupied with some extremely important and cruical extra...

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Apocalypse you say? I predict a Jazzyocalypse.

 I'd like to take a moment to discuss an ever-growing problem in our society.  The jazzy. You might call it an electric scooter or simply a motorized wheelchair complete with handlebars, horn, and...

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Horrid icy things, driving to China and a case of the sads. *PLUS people with...

C once told me to never watch the show Ice Road Truckers because it was only a bunch of over exaggerated drama without any fiery crashes, mangled bodies, or human ice cubes.  How is that even TV?!...

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I narrowly escaped with my life....thanks to Spider Spray!

I debated all day about writing this blog because even writing about spiders make me want to put splinters in my own eyeballs.  So just to put it out there, I have a phobia...

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A Murder of Crows is lunching on the bag of tiny organs in my lawn. I wonder...

I recently came across a list for the collective names of groups of animals.  It was fascinating.  So I wanted to share my favorites. Pod of Dolphins (oh, I see...like the thing Lady Gaga was in at the...

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Yes Suri, It's time for your daily dose!

Alcatraz, be warned.  Your newest inmate is gonna f*ck some shit up!  She's all..I'm about to shoot daggers of hate and Scientology in your face if I don't get extra playground privileges and a private...

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I tried to get Oprah to marry us...but she was busy so we hired Gayle instead

tI recently looked through a few different friend's (more expensive than selling my soul to the devil) wedding pictures and started to wonder if a wedding of this caliber was really worth it.  My best...

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Lily vs Duck

This cute defenseless baby blog goes out to my good friend Lily.  She is a professional bird caller.  Like she competes in competitions, because they have those.  I just figured there was an iphone app...

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I am a single wife. I married a Coastie

When I was single I always pictured married life to consist of waking up and going to sleep next to your husband.  Dreading Mondays and so happy when Friday finally arrives and you have the weekend...

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C has the most thoughtful wife...EVER.

So somewhere in the past 24 hours 3 weeks, I unknowingly fell off the blog wagon.  C says the red flags were there all along but he didn't know how to break it to me.  Glad to know he cares.  I'll make...

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Tug-Ahoy!

I've recently discovered the TLC show Strange Sex.  It is my new guilty pleasure.  A man that uses his thumb as a surrogate penis, a married couple with no teeth that are swingers, balloon fetishes,...

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On the next episode of Hoarders....Puppypalooza.

I have a dog obsession.  I'm like a dog whisperer, only without the whisper part. Because I haven't yet mastered talking baby talk in a whisper.  If C would allow it, I would probably get a...

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From the mouth of a Frenchie: "Bonne fête des mères...oui oui et fromage s'il...

Happy Most-Important-Holiday-in-the-World Day!!!  To human mum's and dog mum's alike!  Also soon-to-be-mom's carrying little plankton in their belly, and wannabe moms having lots of sex in hopes to...

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